what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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