I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
