Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
