How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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