the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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