I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've blown a few things in my day
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
