oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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