Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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