Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize