I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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