just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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