OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
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After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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