he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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