Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
