tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
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I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
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She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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