Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
