I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
