Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
