I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
