he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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