Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
