your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
