come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
