Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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