I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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