The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
