I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
