You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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