Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
