Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
