my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
