Plan B is the new Plan A
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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