New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
