Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
