I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
