was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
