how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
