She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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