You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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