so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i think i have herpe
just one?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
