Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
