I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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