We won't sleep together?
she told me i tasted like america
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
