wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
