This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
