but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
