Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
