And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
