Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
