she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I touched a dick in church today
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
