Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
