Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
where am i from again
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
