Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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