brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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