i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
