I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
