Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
