I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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