He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We have so much sex to catch up on
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You are the jesus of drinking
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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