Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
