hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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