Already got asked if we're dating
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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