What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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