Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
