Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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