I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
