WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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