He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
