Don't make out with my wife yet
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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