Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
no you cant smoke seaweed
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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