So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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