I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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