conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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