I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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